April 1994

April 2, 1994
A word about Tony. He is a 37-year-old CPA. Meets me last November for kinky BDSM sex with another guy chez-moi and three months later we go on a date. Bodybuilder, nice guy. But something is strange. He is a wanna-be rich guy and it seems to piss him off that he isn't REALLY rich. I've seen anger at the strangest things. Then, there is also the fact that we haven't fucked on a date even once, though I spend the night once a week. I thought he was getting more personal - he invited me to a gala AIDS benefit post-Oscar party hosted by Elton John, and then to a Passover Seder later that same week. But no such luck - back pain or fatty gas or something gets in the way. He did take me to see Sunset Blvd with Glenn Close - great fucking show! But the money doesn't really impress me unless it gets me things I need; entertainment can be had cheaply; car repairs, clothing, and rent - these things can not.

April 3, 1994
My life is a void.

April 4, 1994
I don't know if I want to know WHY but I had a wonderful time last night with Chris, the guy who left a note on my car at the laundromat. I went off my diet a bit, but it was worth it. Seems like something in me has really bloomed. The whole Derek & Tony thing, then Jim, Paul, and Chris. I guess this is my karmic payback or something. It has a double edge to it, though. I am trying to stay on a diet and exercise program and find myself wondering why I am working so hard when so many men already find me attractive. I know it sounds crazy, but with as little willpower as I have, all this attention is distracting me from my goal. So, back to basics - eat well, exercise daily (my arms are gonna kill tomorrow) and keep a good mental attitude. Kinda weird, though, dating 5 different men while Thom can even get laid.
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