Getting Through

I started off thinking about what it means to be a "bear" in the gay world. I did all this research about bear events and the flyers they make for them and the reality of who shows up to the events.
I started reflecting on the kinds of guys who ask me out on dates versus the kinds of guys who want to just hook up with me, and their reasons for doing so.
In a lot of ways, being a "Daddy Bear" has a certain cache in the gay scene.
But only if that daddy bear looks like a muscular underwear model who happens to have a size 34 waist instead of 30, and who maybe has a bit more chest hair than usual.
If you're a 300-pound guy with a waist much larger than your inseam, you aren't what the market is looking for.
Or maybe it's just my attitude.
Maybe *I* am not what the market is looking for.
I don't like hanging with the men who love and celebrate being a bear here in California. It feels… bad. The Los Angeles Bears club was exceedingly clicky and overtly sexual at their parties. Every pool party and pot luck ended up as a bear orgy where you were expected to let anyone paw at you in the name of freedom and fun. The San Diego Bears club is less sexual, but still rather clicky. They dislike going to bars and clubs - even for BEAR EVENTS - because few of the members like dancing. They don't support local bear nights out as a way to meet and mingle; they hold "den parties" at members' homes and keep to themselves. So on the one hand: too much sex with people to whom I'm not attracted; on the other hand: socializing in relative quiet among people with whom I have very little in common.
big bear
And I don't see myself as the fun-loving, bare-it-all bear that goes out to dance party club nights.
I learned this last week when I was out with Rick and Phat and Phat tried to unbutton my shirt in the bar. I got mad. I got like unreasonably mad relative to what he was doing.
That's what made me start to think about this whole "Bear" thing.
I know I've only ever been a visitor there, but the Orlando people seem to have it going on. They have all sorts of nights for all sorts of people. They don't glorify obesity nor do they put hot fit muscle guys on stage and claim that it's a bear event.
Things are come as you are, and people accept you. It's fun. Want to sing? Bearaoke takes care of that. Want to compete? Game night handles that. Want to be charitable and party at the same time? Lots of Bears in the City events give you that opportunity.
I miss that.
I do enjoy myself here in San Diego, but I do feel like it's not working out for me, this whole daddy bear thing. I do not want to be someone's fat fetish, and I do not want to be the Gabriel Iglesias of Gay San Diego. They aren't laughing with me, they're laughing at me.
So… diet or just stay in with Netflix?
Hmmmm……

netflix

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