January 1992

January 13, 1992
Over a year since I began - look how far I have gone!
I wish to capture a few thoughts here and make a commitment to check in here at least weekly. So much history can be captured herein. I weigh 166 today. A long way from 260, yes? Short hair instead of the hippie long I sported 12 months ago. Seeing a nice boy (Jesse) rather than being married to Carolyn - how much more opposite can I get?
Though only a waiter again, life looks pretty good. More on Jesse and such events in another entry. I just felt like making some comparisons and stressing my enjoyment of my life RIGHT NOW!

January 14, 1992
We are about to embark on a journey of frightful proportions. Jesse has asked me to come up and get him to bring him home with me. I guess it is time to tell about Jesse.
I met him on the 3rd when Hal asked me to go to Vegas with Brian and him. I took him home for the night and we played around. We all left the next day - BUT, Jesse asked me to come back to Vegas to see him. I did. On the 8th I drove myself back to stay with him for a few days. In the process, I asked him to come to OC with me to live. He said yes. SO, we drove back and spent Friday night here together in a real bed. Saturday morning he called his mother who threw a fit over what he had done. She demanded that he be home by that evening. It was then my duty to take him to LAX for the long flight home. When I returned home, I found a note in which he proclaimed his love for me.
That brings us to today. I am going up to the Bay tomorrow to get him. We have decided that we enjoy each other so that we want to try living together. So, he told his folks, he made his plans and now I am off to meet the family and steal their son. On the plane tomorrow I will write more about Jesse. Till then!

January 15, 1991
(11:40am) Well, I guess I am no committed now. I am sitting in the waiting area to board my plane for Oakland. Brian dropped me off here and I guess I am pretty lucky to have supporting friends. Enough for now, will write more in flight.
(1:!4pm) Ok, I am now flying high over clouds onto destiny. Drenched in a cold, nervous sweat waiting to land in Oakland. Lanny was less than thrilled at my confession (in truth, I only told him I was bringing Jesse down for a stay, not implying any romantic link - I suppose I am enjoying being the "other woman" in the Lanny & Mike marriage. But Lanny does nothing for me sexually, it is the financial aspect that excites me!) And here I have even told Lanny I would vacation with him sometime in the next few weeks. What's a girl to do?!? I am horrified at the thought of meeting the P---------. I keep imagining that they see me as the evil wizard come to steal their son away to an enchanted city far to the south. He insists that they are less concerned with me than with what Jesse is doing and why. I am landing soon (I feel my ears pop with the descent) and will curtail any further writing until I am again in Jesse's arms - peacefully smiling to have someone to love who loves me for me - failed marriage, ex-overweight and a closet bottom to boot! Ha!

January 19, 1992
On a plane again. Alone again. Not a good thing. The long and short of it is that Jesse decided that to bring his car down was the better idea and since he hadn't yet fixed it up for the drive, he is taking a few days to do that this week. So, he put me on a plane for home this evening. As it stands, I don't know if I have anyone to pick me up at the airport in LA tonight. But enough bitching. I will say that the time spent with Jess was fabulous. Going to Castro, going rollerskating on gay skate night, going ice skating in Berkeley, dancing to Erotic City in Walnut Creek, the list goes on. Hearing stories about The Hill, Steamworks, and the Campus Theater. Being told I look like Dan (twice). Oh, I almost forgot, I told Jesse I love him. I don't know if I do or not really, but, shit, I ought to. After all, I am considering letting him fuck me, and, I AM expecting him in a few days to live with me. If it isn't yet love, it is the closest I have been in a long while. I am completely at ease with him, totally myself, totally real. He knows of my marriage and my weight problem and still loves me. For all my mixed up crazy past… and HE told me he loves me first, so I wasn't the one to "give away the store" as Lanny puts it. Enough babble for now, now I rest and pray for someone to take me home from LAX.
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