July 1991

July 26, 1991
Rather appropriate that I should begin to write again on the two month anniversary of my last entry. This one is called, "I Had a Dream."
In the dream, I was driving along a rather deserted highway across a sparse landscape. I am crying and wearing sunglasses. I get pulled over by a cop who asks for my ID. He then asks me to take off my sunglasses and when I do, I realize that my eyes are closed and have been the whole time. In fact, I can not open them. I think this was some sort of warning that I ought to be more careful in my search for witchcraft. I was given a Statement by a witch recently and have not yet read it. I am still reading Drawing Down the Moon. More later.

July 29, 1991
It is quite difficult to get back into writing about feelings rather than history, but I may have found the catalyst I have been wanting. His name is James. We met on the phone when he called in answer to my ad. Won't THAT be a nice story for the kids? We met Saturday night and had a great dinner, went to see Jerome Robbins and then went to Ozz for Denise's last show. All in all, I had a great time (history, again). He is a beautiful person and has gorgeous eyes!
Your eyes are the color of a perfect sky
Created by God
In order that all who see
Will know perfection
And will know Him.
I wrote that for him this morning. Oh, he came over last night and I made dinner. We have pasta marinara primavera. We rented Torchsong Trilogy after dinner and spent the next few hours kissing and caressing. It was wonderful to touch and be touched! And we talked! He said during a pause in the romance that he felt good but strange; so we actually talked about why he feels good and what was making him feel strange. I admitted that I had a crush on him. He said it was mutual. We are seeing each other again tonight and I can't wait. He told me that he has never been passionately intimate with a man before. He has jacked off before but never kissed. He has thin lips, but he can be taught. He is a writer and works for a Baptists Counselling Center. Enough history, let me say now that I feel wonderfully alive and free. I am being careful not to fall in love, but I am surely in love with the idea of being in love. And I can surely get used to having someone love and care for me.

July 30, 1991
Oh, what a night. James came over again last night and we watched LA Story and then he gave me a back rub as we listened to my new Michael Feinstein CD, Isn't It Romantic? Well, one thing led to another and we ended up on the floor nude and masturbating each other. I made him cum but stopped him before I did. He was kinda freaked out by the whole thing, so we talked for a few hours after. He told me that he is falling in love with me. That scares him because he doesn't want to be "gay." I love having someone to hold, to kiss, to love and touch. He has inspired me to write poetry again, to open up and take care of someone. He told me last night that I was attractive and had a great body… I choked! Imagine, fat little Mathew A) is attractive to someone gorgeous and B) has a "great" body. So much so fast!
blog comments powered by Disqus