Non-Reactive

I haven't talked to anyone in 3 days.
I mean, I've gone to work, I've done my job, I've taught. But I haven't engaged with any adults on the topic of Tuesday's election.
I haven't made a Facebook post or commented on any other posts on the topic.
I haven't been texting my friends for our daily bullshit like I used to do.

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I'm not shocked, I'm not stunned… there are too many indicators from the past 18 months that Trump is a popular voice and that what he is saying appeals to a great number of people.
I feel very similar to the way I felt waking up on September 11 and watching live on the news as a second plane flew into the Twin Towers in New York.
My first thought wasn't about the people in the plane or the building or even that we were at war.
My first thought was: "I have to go to work and talk to the students and tell them we're going to be ok." And I wasn't sure how I was going to do that.
I work at a high school that is in East San Diego County. It is rumored to have the highest number of Iraqi refugees in the nation. Almost 30% of the community is mixed-race, with a huge percentage of hispanic and middle eastern families. The city has the highest poverty rate in San Diego County, with over 1/3 of all children living in poverty.
So how was I going to go to work and tell them that everything is going to be all right?
How do I talk about the fact that in middle schools, white students are chanting "Build That Wall" during lunchtime in the cafeteria while an adult supervisor looks on and does nothing to stop them?
How do I help the Chaldean students, who are almost exclusively Christian, feel safe when they are often called terrorists and members of ISIS because they "look" like muslims?
And more so, how do I assure the muslim students who fled terrorist regimes that they are safe and welcome here in President Trump's America?
How do I tell D'Andre to back down when he is called a Nigger on campus? How do I tell Diana that she can't use her fists when she is called a border-hopper? How can I teach them to stay civil when so much of the country isn't acting civilly?
And so in my grieving, I have withdrawn.
It isn't denial… have I jumped bargaining and landed in depression so quickly?
I feel numb.
And Facebook starts to fill with posts about open name calling, my wall fills with fagget (yes, usually spelled wrong), nigger, dirty muslim, wetback. It becomes testimony to the promises of the future president: Make America Great Again.
Like it was in 1787 when the Constitution was written for straight, white, landowning white men.

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