July 1993

ripples
July 12, 1993
I have decided that Steven is important enough to begin writing about. So, in brief, here is a recap of the last week.
July 3 - met Steven Allen M----- at Ripples. Took him home. Oral sex, no intercourse. Lots of conversation and giddy "mushy" talk. Beach sunrise.
July 4 - Went to a party with Thom at Steven's new house. He walked me home and spent the night. More of the same as above.
July 6 - 10:30 pm phone call. Steven invites me over to his house. No sex at all. MUCH personal talk - pasts, family, etc.
July 10 - First Date. Picnic in my living room. Steven brings Chinese. Flowers for him. His face broken out from my beard while kissing him. Spent the night but no more kissing and, consequently, no intercourse. Discussion of my fear of sexual penetration. Talk of future plans. Watched Steel Magnolias. Read More...
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March 1993

March 2, 1993
Hey, kids, what time is it? It's psycho killer mystery theater time; the time when I tell a story so when I become a gun-wielding maniac they can read this and understand. Tonight's episode: Jason. You remember, from 6 February. So the whole time I am in Hawaii he is thinking how I treat him so well and how he can see a future with me and how he missed me greatly. He even got upset that I didn't call him the minute I got home. So we made a date for tonight. Nothing. No sparks, no passion, no romance, not even much conversation. He couldn't tell me in person what he said on the phone. Makes one wonder, does it not? Here is this guy I find very interesting and extremely attractive laying with his legs across my lap, all the while me stroking his chest and legs and he does not make the slightest move toward me. And talking about it only makes it worse. I even went so far as to tell him that he should call me when he can talk and I will see him again then. At least he is honest enough to tell me that I hurt his feelings with that comment. More later. Read More...
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February 1993, Continued...

hulaboy
February 27, 1993
Oh! Becky! Hold on to this one!
I am now in Hawaii; Oahu, to be exact, and the following tale is totally un-fucking-believable!
I came out here with a client of mine, Steven, for a long weekend and ended up staying 10 days. Not only that, I met a couple who want me to move to San Francisco with them and a guy who wants me to live here with him.
Crazy world, isn't it?
Monroe is quite cute and very nice. Then Rudy and Robert are absolutely wonderful. Why doesn't shit like this happen to me back home?
I had this great hotel all to myself since the day we arrived, Steven broke his leg. He has been in the hospital ever since. I fucked like a bunny all week long.
Got a great tan and probably gained 10 pounds on Kalhua pig and pineapple.
But now, my life is in flux. Do I move to Oahu with Rudy and Robert until they move to San Francisco or do I move here with Munroe until he eventually returns to SF? Or do I go home with the knowledge that I am an attractive guy and not come back to paradise at all?
God, like can be so complex! Read More...
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February 1993

fullsizeoutput_b0bf
February 6, 1993
In one short time, so many things can change,
A heart may lave its grieving lessoned be;
And thus my spirit was quickly rearranged
When with thy welcome voice spoke out to me
A stranger then, yes so no more
New hopes of love set I in store.
As Jason did the Golden Fleece pursue
O'er land and sea did cross in hopes to find,
My heart I know hath searched for one as you
Which you with youth some spirit did remind.
And all that rests upon our chanced meet
To me is candy bitter, and yet sweet.
I know you not, yet know thy sort full well.
For you, my soul hath searched; if not by name.
Then surely by purest want to tell
That if thou know true love, I can the same
Our hearts well met afore each face we see
And at such time comes true Delivery.
A phone call from my Frontiers ad proved him to be a "different" sort of person… made me smile Read More...
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January 1993

livewire
January 12, 1993
Ack-centuate the Positive!
My motto for today. Two years I have had this book, and it finally has a purpose. I am grateful for that. In defining its purpose I am discovering my own. So many people tell me how wonderful I am. I intend to prove it. I took steps today - calling Rich after 2 months, calling Charles to say hello, calling John to apologize, calling Pete for lunch, and forgave myself for all my carelessness in handling these relationships in the past. See, "Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better." I finished reading a book on focusing on the positive and now will go back and USE it! School started for me today - yet another way I am improving myself. Short but to the point today. I am thankful for the chance to do it right, right now! Read More...
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