April 1994

April 2, 1994
A word about Tony. He is a 37-year-old CPA. Meets me last November for kinky BDSM sex with another guy chez-moi and three months later we go on a date. Bodybuilder, nice guy. But something is strange. He is a wanna-be rich guy and it seems to piss him off that he isn't REALLY rich. I've seen anger at the strangest things. Then, there is also the fact that we haven't fucked on a date even once, though I spend the night once a week. I thought he was getting more personal - he invited me to a gala AIDS benefit post-Oscar party hosted by Elton John, and then to a Passover Seder later that same week. But no such luck - back pain or fatty gas or something gets in the way. He did take me to see Sunset Blvd with Glenn Close - great fucking show! But the money doesn't really impress me unless it gets me things I need; entertainment can be had cheaply; car repairs, clothing, and rent - these things can not. Read More...
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March 1994

March 27, 1994
Day one (again) for my health regime. I refuse to believe that my ideal weight is 185. Let's shoot for 165, shall we? Fat-free & workouts are my goals. Let the rest take care of itself. Two men in my life, yet neither of them makes me as happy as a fun day with Thom. Roommates in our house for one month now. Been topsy-turvey. Working in LA now and am the golden boy. Still must work on building friendships and building a support network. I will call the gay center and explain my feelings of a stranger in paradise. Ha. Movies with Alex tonight. It's very nice to have an ex- as a friend. Note: he and I broke up after my Las Vegas trip indiscretion ("Thank you for coming out of my dreams and into my life.") Want to get back into computers and photography. I need a hobby to be more interesting I think. Therefore I am. Read More...
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February 1994

February 14, 1994
Made a commitment to myself today: To count and consider my blessings. I have been abusing my body for two weeks, since the breakup with Alex, and it is time to stop. I am my own Valentine. Exercise and nutrition are key in my life. Sex is no longer the focus. As of today, I worship in the temple that is me. Corny? Perhaps, but it seems to work. My goal is to begin Quick Trim again on Wednesday for two weeks, then maintain a good exercise & eating plan. Then, the last two weeks before Easter, Quick Trim again. Tanning & exercise daily. Giving up masturbation and alcohol. Beginning rap group and other support. Building friends and deciding where my life is going. And what to do with Thom? Move with him or move him out? The healthier choice I hope. Mental and physical health are my new goals. They are done!
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