January 1993

livewire
January 12, 1993
Ack-centuate the Positive!
My motto for today. Two years I have had this book, and it finally has a purpose. I am grateful for that. In defining its purpose I am discovering my own. So many people tell me how wonderful I am. I intend to prove it. I took steps today - calling Rich after 2 months, calling Charles to say hello, calling John to apologize, calling Pete for lunch, and forgave myself for all my carelessness in handling these relationships in the past. See, "Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better." I finished reading a book on focusing on the positive and now will go back and USE it! School started for me today - yet another way I am improving myself. Short but to the point today. I am thankful for the chance to do it right, right now! Read More...
Comments

And Now for Something Completely Different

171230-MyHappyPlace-018-Edit-2
Not sure what's going on.
The stars are aligned and the energy is good.
In the past 48 hours two different phenomena have manifest and they are each worth talking about.
First, I have officially entered the world of "porn photographer" after a shoot this morning with a couple who fucked 3 feet in front of me while I watched and took photos.
It was a New Year's Eve-Eve blessing.
Next… and this is the more shocking situation… while dealing with my past through transcribing my diary, more of my past has come back to me. Read More...
Comments

November 1992

November 24, 1992
The longest journey begins with the tiniest step forward. And for a change, I am not prompted to write due to a new man in my life. No, this time I am looking for a new me in my life. Thanksgiving is just around the corner and it really frightened me that I couldn't find much to be thankful for. It isn't a good feeling to wake up each day and have nothing to look forward to. No goals. No dreams. No love. No life. I need a change. I watched Shirley MacLaine's movie "Out on a Limb" and realized that a long time ago I began a journey that I aborted and never looked for a final answer. Now it is my time to find my answer. Exercise and diet are my first tools, study and research will be next tools in my quest. I begin now. Only good food for my body. In the morning I am gonna skate down to the beach. I think it would be healthy for me to get a start before the sun sets. Read More...
Comments

August 1992

fullsizeoutput_b086
August 16, 1992
Alarm! An actual entry in here. I must catch up on the latest. His name is Jeffrey Scott H---. My match made in Heaven. We met over a month ago at Disneyland. He works there, but it was his day off and he helped Teresa talk me into buying a set of mouse ears. He said I looked cute in them and I was hooked. Our first date was August 1st - we went to Ozz for dinner then to see Death Becomes Her. Anyway, we took it slow, only kissing at first. On our 6th date, we explored each other below the belt. Finally last week, we made love. It was incredible. I had an orgasm inside him last night and it nearly made me go unconscious. Read More...
Comments

January 1992

89123073
January 13, 1992
Over a year since I began - look how far I have gone!
I wish to capture a few thoughts here and make a commitment to check in here at least weekly. So much history can be captured herein. I weigh 166 today. A long way from 260, yes? Short hair instead of the hippie long I sported 12 months ago. Seeing a nice boy (Jesse) rather than being married to Carolyn - how much more opposite can I get?
Though only a waiter again, life looks pretty good. More on Jesse and such events in another entry. I just felt like making some comparisons and stressing my enjoyment of my life RIGHT NOW! Read More...
Comments

December 1991

sex-and-the-single-girl
December 18, 1991
Man Plan, Revision One
My man is Caucasian, 20-30 years old, between 5'6" and 6' tall (preferably closer to 5'9"), 130-165 pounds (taller and heavier is ok - but not over 200!). On a scale of 1 o 10, he is an 8+. Sexually he prefers to be a somewhat aggressive bottom - given to some kink and open to new games and fun. He enjoys children and entertains the notion of adoption at some point (even if it is only a fantasy for now). He may have been married, hopefully not, but he should have had a relationship with a woman to allow him to better understand my failed marriage. He is eclectically spiritual, loving and affectionate, and extremely well educated - either by formal or informal means. He is an artist of sorts, enjoys music and theater. Maybe he is a teacher or public service person. He is politically somewhat liberal and aware of issues relating to our lifestyle. He dresses well and takes care to look his best at a formal function or softball game. He doesn't smoke, do any drugs, drinks socially and occasionally indulges in a party. He enjoys sex, pleasing me comes first to him. He enjoys touching and cuddling and that can be enough to satisfy him. He is very complimentary, often telling me how wonderful I am inside and out. He is reliable and honest; I do not worry or doubt him. Most importantly - he wants to be with me and frequently asks me out. Read More...
Comments

August 1991

August 1, 1991
Time again to play catch up on the life and times of me. Am I falling in love? Or, am I just really enjoying his company? By "him" I refer, of course, to James. I spent the night with him the other day (2 days ago, July 30) and we entered the world of oral sex. We have each said "I love you: and, while I know on some level that is true, I am not entirely sure of what it means to love him. We have SO much fun, talking about lifestyles, discussing religion, postulating on politics. The intellectual stimulation is amazing. One other thing worthy of note: both James and I have changed our questionnaires on Heaven West to reflect the fact that we are "a couple." I plan to tell this to Liz tonight and have some trepidations as to what she will say. I hope she will be happy - yet I feel she will want me to be cautious. In preparation, I have prepared the following:
Read More...
Comments

Getting Through

Dance_Kevin_3
I started off thinking about what it means to be a "bear" in the gay world. I did all this research about bear events and the flyers they make for them and the reality of who shows up to the events.
I started reflecting on the kinds of guys who ask me out on dates versus the kinds of guys who want to just hook up with me, and their reasons for doing so.
In a lot of ways, being a "Daddy Bear" has a certain cache in the gay scene.
But only if that daddy bear looks like a muscular underwear model who happens to have a size 34 waist instead of 30, and who maybe has a bit more chest hair than usual.
If you're a 300-pound guy with a waist much larger than your inseam, you aren't what the market is looking for. Read More...
Comments

The End

160807-BlueandWhite-087
So this is the end of summer. Today. I go back to work tomorrow for three days of teacher meetings (cue tiny violin).
It has been a great fucking summer.
I got to spend two weeks in Orlando visiting people I love, I spent 6 weeks shooting hot guys every day in their underwear and less.
I made new friends and got involved with art events and theater events around the city.
I think one of the best things to come out of this summer is that I grew. Read More...
Comments

Worst Best-Date Ever

160721-Uniform-013-Edit
So I had a great date last night. And I had a really horrible date last night.
Here's what happened.
About two months ago, I met this guy on Tinder. He swiped right, I swiped right, so we knew there was some mutual attraction. He was going to Phoenix, then I was going to Orlando, so we kept chat light and breezy. No immediate plans were made to meet.
And I started working on this July photo challenge and I came up to Thursday and had 3 different guys back out on me for my "Uniform" shot.
I turned to Elias. Read More...
Comments

Getting the Shot

160715-Nude Avi-031-Edit
I feel like I have no story for a while, then I have an overwhelming amount to say.
Here is the story for today.
I have been doing a photography challenge for a while now, since January 1, but since I'm off work during the summer, I've kicked my efforts into high gear.
This means setting a challenge for myself that has surprised even me. It also means doing things to get the shot that I want that I know I probably should do.
That's this story.
The story of how I almost died gong to Black's Beach.
But I got the shot! Read More...
Comments

Summer Session

Keep-Calm-English-teacher
I got a message from a colleague at my old school. You may recall that I left there rather suddenly, and that one of the main reasons was the (in my opinion) poor leadership of the principal and the lack of support she gave the staff.
I got a message that she has quit. She is not coming back next year. She is done.
For a brief moment I felt like - "Oh no! I should have stayed! Things can get better now that she's gone!" Read More...
Comments

Long Lost Love

Mystery-Man-Avatar
So through a roundabout way, I came across a photo of the first boy I ever dated way back in high school, 1984. Thirty-two years ago.
One of my best friends, Jenny, dated a guy,we'll call him Chris, for a short while. Chris was a football jock. And secretly gay. He is now a leather pup owned by a leather bear title holder. Things change.
Since Chris knows my friend Don through the leather community, he showed up on my Faceplace page as "Someone you might know."
And next to his picture was a photo of David.
The first boy I loved. Read More...
Comments

Two Torrid Tales, Deux

GayPulp2
OK, it's Saturday morning, I'm having coffee, I'm awake.
Time for the second tale.
So last week I met a guy - also on Tinder, I believe, though maybe on Surge (the new, all-gay version of Tinder). We flirted for a day or two, mutual chemistry, intelligent, good sense of humor, the whole lot.
Then one night we did something I haven't done since high school - we talked on the phone for 3 hours. Read More...
Comments

Two Torrid Tales

GayPulp3
This may get a little spicy for some of you, but I have two stories to tell about two guys that I (sort of) had dates with this past week.
They're both bad, and one of the stories involves where I put my penis, so you may want to skip this if you're not ready for that kind of information.
To begin, I had this date with a guy I met off Tinder. Yes, I'm on Tinder. I figured it was less hookup-ey than Scruff or Growlr and I really wanted to go on a date.
So I meet this guy, he's shy, he says, and he doesn't want to meet in Hillcrest, so we meet at a coffee place in Normal Heights and then go have a burger and beer.
We're chatting, but I'm anxious and he's shy and it is going slowly. Read More...
Comments

Backing Away

IMG_0061
It is said that what annoys you most in others is often a reflection of what annoys you about yourself. The traits that annoy us most in others are probably the issues we most need to work on the most. Fuck that noise.
I hate flaky behavior. Read More...
Comments