Chinua Achebe Was Right

Some background: is a place where you can find others who have common interests and plan to meet up. If you're into collecting Disney pins, or lawn darts, or skydiving, you can find a Meetup group to share your passion.
When I moved to San Diego, one of my first priorities was joining a Meetup group for gay men in the area. I found one specifically for single men over 35. These are my people.
Now, on to the story.
Last night, things finally fell apart. When I first moved here, I went to every Friday happy hour the GM35+ group held. I was hungry for friendship and I wanted to talk to others who were gay and who were interesting and who were single and open to alcoholic ventures. This group ticked all the boxes.
But after a while, I noticed certain personalities emerge that didn't click with my own.
I didn't want to sit in a bar filled with cute boys and talk about real estate investing. I don't own property, I won't own property in this lifetime, it doesn't interest me. The cute boys over there interest me, but I am pretending to listen to you to be polite.
I noticed other personalities that were more harmful: negative people who criticize everything everyone does, and not in a sarcastic funny way that is the trademark of oh-so-many gay men, but in a mean, hurtful way; dramatic people who want to make every conversation about their current drama, even if that dramatic situation is the same week after week, month after month; people who cannot control themselves after too much alcohol and who do not know their limits, causing chaos and accidents as the night goes on.
in short, regular people. Everyday people. The full spectrum of humanity.
So I started pulling back. I went to every other happy hour. I made a few friends from the group, and we started hanging out without the rest of the group. It felt so fun, so much lighter not worrying about Bob's anger or Fred's life-crisis or Dan's falling off a bar stool.
And last night I think a butterfly in China flapped its wings and a straw broke on a camel's back in Montana. I walked out on dinner because of the negativity of one of the members.
We had been to Top of the Bay on Friday night. We were a small group in a large crowd. Between 5 and 7 the crowd grew and at 7 our host announced that he was going to another bar to support a new Meetup group for gay singles. For some reason, this pissed off one of my friends from the group. It angered him that the host had abandoned the group for some newbie who had never hosted a meet up group before. I pointed out that nobody had been abandoned, in fact, all but three of us followed the host to the new location; it was a merger if anything. We eventually decided to join them at the Loft, and we took the shuttle to get there. Upon arriving, we found they had gone to Babycakes down the street. Again, this seemed to piss off my friend who felt that it was a shambles that they couldn't commit to the place they said they would be. I reminded him that often the GM35+ group moves locations - we've started at Gossip Grill, gone for Mexican food across the street, walked to the Brick, and ended at Pecs all of a Friday evening. This didn't calm him down.
We then tried to get food. We argued over a place, finally deciding on Baja Bety's. We'd ordered drinks, guacamole and quesadillas when my friend again started in about why would anyone abandon a group to help someone who was trying to steal our group members. i tried to explain that the new group's host was 32, and didn't feel welcome in a group for 35+, so eh started a group for younger single gays. That seemed to send my friend off. He was arguing loudly that our group wasn't about 35+. It was for everyone. That I was living on assumptions and that I was wrong. That he knew what he knew, even if it wasn't the truth or reality.
I asked what that meant. What was the difference between what he "knew" and "the truth" and wasn't it important to notice the difference?
He again told me I was wrong and that everything with me is an argument.
Drinks had just been served, but I quietly put my napkin on the table, thanked the two companions I was with for a lovely evening, and excused myself. I went inside, paid my bill, and left.
I'm far too old to put up with negativity like that. If anyone's going to be negative, it's going to be me, damn it! (there's that sarcasm I said was a trademark of the gays)
So that's the story of how things fall apart. It means I probably am not going to Bear Night tonight because the only person I had planned to go with is this particular friend. It might mean I have nobody to celebrate Pride weekend with, because I was planning on spending it with the GM35+ group. But we'll see… due sera sera.
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