Pushing Back

January 10, 1991
Kinsey
Well, I went to my second of 14 straight ACA meetings last night. This time I really think that it will help me. For starters, I verbalized for the first time what a mistake my marriage was at the time. I married the first person who said, "I love you." More and more I am comparing her to my mother and father as far as how I feel she treats me. I told Carolyn that I had questioned my sexuality and she still loved me. So I felt safe and grabbed onto her "forever." I told her that I no longer questions my sexuality, which is true, but I never told her what I had decided. The truth seems to be that I am a 4 on a Kinsey 6 scale. I just got off the phone with Christopher who has not called all week long so I had to find out if I had done something wrong. I guess that must be similar to how I make Carolyn feel when I ignore her and don't compliment her. But, that is how sex makes me feel when she refuses to compliment me… even when I ask her to. I am caught up in writing letters to guys who have advertised in a gay men's mag. I have written 6 or so and have envelopes addressed to 4 more. I wish I knew who I really was and what I really want. I finished Homecoming and now plan to re-read it and do all the exercises and meditations. I pray I succeed. Read More...
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Looking Back to Move Forward

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I'm no Anne Frank. Let's begin there. I'm not trying to be famous after I die (what's the value in that?)
I'm not exactly sure why I keep these in the first place.
But what I do believe is that the diaries of my youth have no value if I never go back and read them. And since I'm going back to read them, I may as well share them here as weekly-ish blog posts.
Let's begin where I can begin: January 1, 1991… literally half my life ago. Read More...
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Dragged

SashaS9
So this is crazy. I'm watching the finale of Rupaul's Drag Race Season 9 and I got misty eyed.
Oh, I already know who won thanks to FB spoilers starting at 5pm PDT.
But when Sasha and Shea finished their challenge and then just hugged each other, realizing that only one of them could move on and one of them was going home… I nearly cried.
You could see all season how these two loved each other.
You can see in their eyes, their faces, their body language that these are two people who care deeply about one another.
I miss that. Read More...
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This Pride Flag Thing

New-Pride-Flag
No one reads this anymore, so it's a good place for me to put down some thoughts about this "controversy" to change the Philadelphia Pride Flag.
I am fully aware that I say these things as a CIS-male with pinkish skin tones - hey, if this is about people of color, I want to be accurate about mine.
I am also aware that just because I am not labeled as a "person of color" my opinion will be considered racist and my thoughts on the matter will be deemed void by an entire group of apologists for the new pride flag.
And that is exactly my issue with it. Read More...
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The Circus

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Did something I haven't done in a long, long time. Went out to an actual nightclub last night - Stripper Circus at Rich's. I forgot how much I love watching gogo boys. Damn. Gogo boys. Ahem. Yes. Well, I had fun! Read More...
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